Washing my hands of swine flu conspiracy theories

A small bottle of waterless hand sanitizer sits on my office desk. Once every three or four hours, I’ll dab a little on my palm and scrub my hands. It has a citrus scent and dries quickly. It cost about $1.09 at the grocery store.

I have two or three bottles of sanitizer stashed around my desk, and I keep one in the car. I’ve got two or three at home. Sometimes I’ll forget to use it and give myself an extra dose, just to be sure. I believe it is important to have clean hands — these days more than ever.

The No. 1 method recommended by health officials in avoiding the swine flu is keeping clean hands. This is almost always the most effective means of avoiding ANY contagion, but this time it is vitally important.

The swine flu, which you’ve been hearing about, threatens to become a pandemic. It has spread from Mexico City, where it apparently originated, to Texas, Kansas, California, New York, Israel, New Zealand, Spain, and probably other places by now. About 150 people have thus far died of the swine flu in Mexico; there have been no cases of swine-flu related deaths in the U.S. We appear to be getting a milder form of it up here, thank goodness, though who knows how bad this thing is going to get. No cases have been reported (so far) in Arkansas, but officials are on alert.

Obviously, this is a serious matter that deserves our full attention, but I don’t think anyone should panic yet. I would appreciate it if the national media — just about any television news network — would STOP throwing around words like “plague” and “apocalypse.” No one is talking about plague or apocalypse. This is the flu, and there are things that governments and plain ole people can do to combat it.

Many health officials believe the U.S. and the world in general are in better shape than ever in terms of coping with a potential pandemic. I hope they are right. I like hearing rational voices in an emergency.

What I don’t like are voices of hysteria. Though in all likelihood this particular virus occurred naturally (as opposed to being made in a lab), many basement-dwelling goobs who post their opinions to various Web sites have already broken out their favorite whipping boy: The Conspiracy Theory.

Yes, the swine flu, don’t you know, is actually a bioweapon designed to force governments to crack down on the population and create police states. Oh, and don’t forget those government-enforced vaccinations.

Ah, yes, the Conspiracy Theory. There’s one for everything that ails you, from the pebble in your shoe to the stray cat that got into your trash last night.

Here’s my problem with conspiracy theories: They absolve people of responsibility. If there is a shadowy killer or unseen menace out there causing mischief, well, what can we really be expected to do about our problems?

The swine flu probably got started due to two factors: 1) People who refused to practice good hygiene, and 2) a government (in this case, Mexico’s) that was too slow to recognize a rapidly developing — and spreading — bug.

So, on the one hand, you’ve got unsanitary conditions, and on the other, incompetence. Don’t those two possibilities sound more reasonable than somebody, somewhere, releasing some kind of “bioweapon”?

Conspiracy theories make it easy for people to let themselves off the hook and continue on about their way without ever thinking about the importance of washing their hands or brushing their teeth or practicing proper diet and exercise. (Or — horror of horrors — taking a vitamin once in a blue moon.)

Ah, you say, but the “unwashed hands” theory isn’t as sexy as the bioweapon theory. That’s true. You get an A for the class. Unwashed hands are probably the most boring culprits in history.

But ... how many times a day do you tell your children to wash their hands before eating? How many times a day do you wash your hands before eating? Or after you’ve handled a gasoline pump? Or touched a dozen door handles in a dozen public places?

That is how the flu spreads — when people come in contact with other people who have the flu. It ain’t sexy, but it’s true, and it does not require a conspiracy theory to explain.

Don’t want the swine bug? Wash your hands. Oh, and if you feel sick or already have the flu, please, stay home until you’re better.

It can be that simple.

Dan Marsh is editor of the Siftings Herald.